A big win for those sick & tired of seeing Americans steal jobs from gratuating CIS football players.

OTTAWA — Canadian prime minister Stephen Harper announced today the immediate construction of a 1,538-mile fence along the nation’s border with the United States to prevent undesirable American players from crossing over to play in the CFL.

“When the U.S. sends its players, they’re not sending their best,” said Harper. “They’re not sending stars. They’re sending players that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems to us. They’re bringing scrubs. They’re bringing turnovers. They’re losers. And some, I assume, are good players.”

The move comes after NFL teams laid off more than 700 players to trim rosters to 53 before the start of the American regular season, leading a flood of football refugees streaming towards Canada to look for work.

“I’ve heard reports that one American coach, Chip Kelly, specifically told a player he cut, a quarterback by the name of Tim Tebow, to come to the CFL,” said Harper. “This is an infamous player who has been cut by the Jets and the Eagles in recent years, two teams desperate for anyone with quarterback skills, and now he is being sent here. This is not good for Canadian football. This is not good for Canada.”

Yet as the wall begins to go up, some in Canada say the CFL will collapse without American players.

“Who is going to throw these passes and make these tackles if not Americans who have come here to do so?” read an editorial in the Toronto Star. “Canadians don’t want to do these jobs. Canadians don’t want to play American football. The fact of the matter is, we need American players to keep the CFL afloat.”

While the issue intensifies, one U.S.-Canada border town is faced with a glut of terrible football players.